I Didn't Care Cause We Were Playing Contra

"Contra Tag Team" by 8-bit Painter: http://8-bit-painter.deviantart.com/art/Contra-Tag-Team-95838345

Man - something must have gone wrong with EJ’s mic when he says the number “4”. Sounds weird, right?

PODFADE (pod’ - fade) - n - when new jeans, cars, or podcasts have artificial and premature signs of wear, despite being in pristine condition.

Can you make a song with the word “podfade” in it EJ?

NOTE: at the time of this recording, Will’s wife was “about to pop”. As of this writing, his “baby” is in 3rd grade. Okay, not really, but she’s pretty old. Just as this recording is...

We really don’t think babies are gross - mostly. Just when they’re born!

Ah - The Miracle of Life... WHY, GOD, WHY DID YOU ALLOW MAN TO MAKE THIS ABOMINATION?! I truly believe that this film is the only remaining artifact from Sodom and Gomorrah...

And the banter is about to end and we’ll get to some real topics - once we slam on Dave and Willie a bit. Dave and Willie - we hope you laugh, you cry, but mostly we hope you talk to your computer hoping to interject, then realize that you, nope, we can’t hear you.

Did anyone know that Gilbert Godfrey was the voice of the Aflac duck? I mean, when you think about it, it’s not that surprising. But if you were given 3 guesses, 45 seconds ago, I know you wouldn’t have said Gilbert.

And, yes, we berate him quite a bit. But he deserved it. He deserved.

Then to our favorite prodigal son - after we test Will’s allegiance - Doug Gottlieb.

Listen, we appreciate Doug’s contributions to OSU. He will be remembered in Stillwater for a long long time, even if he’s not on TV. Our problem with him is that he acts like he’s never set foot on the campus - let alone be a major contributor to the OSU sports family. Maybe it’s his journalistic integrity, maybe it’s an East Coast thing, maybe he finally got inducted into the ESPN Secret Society.

“Be cool enough to know which button turns the ringer off. Be cool, scratch your balls, and turn the ringer off.”

Proof that Gundy is famous for more than just his hair - but not for more than his hair and “The Rant”.

By the way - EJ’s rendition of “Baby” is about the only one I’m willing to listen to. And we imagine it’s the only one you’re willing to listen to as well.

“Orange Peel 2012: Bieber”

If you only knew what possibilities awaited you in Stillwater, Justin.

NOTE #2: Monken (but probably to a larger extent Weeden) did juuuust fine with Opie’s offense. And we look forward to going head-to-head with you in 2013. Welcome to the Big 12 WVU.

Somehow EJ seamlessly goes from a tricaster to selling tea in Detroit.

NOTE #3: We’re totally not racists but we’re willing to mute Will indefinitely for watching Jersey Shore. We do however appreciate his story about The Situation getting booed at Shatner’s roast.

“We’re sorry Mr. Godfrey, but your insurance policy through Aflac has been revoked.”

Prepare for the list of quotes. Actually, prepare for EJ’s accent.

Now prepare for the list of quotes: almost all of which are directed for Belichick:

“I’m not sure Bill Belichick’s wife even said those words: ‘I love Bill Belichick.’”

“You can only fake it for so long. Just ask Belichick’s wife.”

“I need sleeves in this relationship, buddy.”

“Nothing says you can’t cut off your sleeves and look like an idiot.”

“Put a little respect back in this $9,000,000,000 business.”

Seriously, how does Belichick get away with this? I know the dude is a football genius (except when it comes to Eli Manning *snicker*), but C’MON!!! PUT ON A DECENT SHIRT DUDE!

Somehow the AP gets away with mentioning South Plains College and Texas State but misses TEXAS A&M when talking about the hiring of Billie Gillespie.

“Check this out guys - I’m going to write an article about Billie Gillespie going to be a head coach at basketball and not even mention A&M.

Oh snap! You wouldn’t.

Oh, I did.”

“If you don’t say it, then it doesn’t exist.”

AND BRING ON THE MEMES!!!

By the way, Texas Tech invented the meme.

“Is he a pirate, is he a cowboy, is he Zorro, is he Mexican? Man, I’m just confused. And then the tortillas and it’s like Tex-Mex.”

LUBBOCK, TEXAS: The number 1 place to get an STD! Because they invented it.

“Tech invented California.”

Chris and Will are successfully able to name every white guy that has played in the NBA since 1982 in about 1 minute 15 seconds.

EJ is successfully able to name every famous Caesar (including salad) in about 25 seconds. You win, EJ. You always do.

“[Bobby Reid] was the slowest fast guy I’ve ever seen.”
“That funny because Zac [Robinson] was the fastest slow guy I’ve ever seen.”

Again, EJ goes from the Tulsa Talons to talking diesel with a guy in Dallas.

“That was my impression of the McDonalds drive-thru microphone, by the way.”

Tech invented the ACT. And scoring 36 on it.

Somehow we’re more appalled the Tech has a female Red Rider than we should be... We swear we’re not sexists.

“Who likes to click buttons?”

“A lot of people are repetitively doing work on Facebook at work.”

“Dude - your Facebook depresses me.
Dude - you depress me.”

EJ prefers Twitter - which we here are blue note studios all prefer - so go follow us on Twitter.

[end of shameless self-promotion]

Facebook and Twitter can create awkward real-life meetings if one person un-follows/de-friends the other. But we’re not bitter about it... Okay, we are, but whatever.

If you are listening along whilst reading this (+30 for using “whilst” in the show notes), STOP READING RIGHT NOW AND JUST LISTEN TO EJ’S REACTION. It’s totally worth it.

After his reaction, EJ lets the world know why he doesn’t like bullies. In high school, a couple of guys were picking on another guy. EJ then kicks one of them in family jewels and becomes Defender of Those Who Don’t Defend Themselves. We’re working on a better superhero name for him.

“Which came first: the chicken or the chicken?”

At this point, the show pretty much falls into a downward spiral of memes. Keep listening though, it’s funny. At least to us.

And we get back on track with a guy playing the Super Mario Bros theme on a 9-string bass.

Do you know what “splayed” frets are? We’re about to drop some cold hard truth.

“12 people ‘liked’ this video when their computers were upside-down.”

“Millions of peaches, man, but just 2 strings.”

“Why is that you can fix your own Nintendo system.
Dude - it’s like your wife.”

Ah, the Konami Code... http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Konami_Code

And the people dumb enough to make the Konami code on these locks:

http://www.masterlock.com/product_details/CombinationPadlocks_AssortedCo...
And who would’ve known we’d have a “Willie’s Anecdote” without Willie.

Oh, I think we just found a new superhero name for EJ: Captain Obvious. Already taken? Aw, that would’ve been a good one for you man.

And now for the sponsors:

We’d like to thank Tech - who invented sponsors
The Internet - who invented Skype
Aflac
Impressions - specifically EJ’s Bill Clinton

Oh snap - a Willie’s anecdote in the middle of our sponsors. This one includes sharp monkey wrenches and urine samples.

You want fries with that?